


Aching Hearts

by through_shadows_falling



Series: Supernatural Ficlets [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x20 coda, Angel Heart Coda, Angst with a Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mark of Cain, Men Crying, Men of Letters Bunker, Sappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/through_shadows_falling/pseuds/through_shadows_falling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something was wrong with Cas, but Dean couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. </p><p>He’d been off since Claire hitched a ride to Jody’s.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aching Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this anon prompt: 
> 
> I have a fic request I want one where Cas is really sad, and won't talk to anyone. Dean tries to talk to him about it, and Cas starts crying; Dean ends up comforting him. Please?

Something was wrong with Cas, but Dean couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. 

He’d been off since Claire hitched a ride to Jody’s. 

Dean remembered the way Cas’s shoulders had slumped as the taxi became a pinpoint in the distance, the way his eyes had stared in its direction long after it was gone.

Cas had been so out of it that he hadn’t said a word to either Winchester, and merely took his place in the backseat of the Impala - his desire to join them at the bunker unspoken. Dean couldn’t complain. It was nice having Cas around, especially a Cas who wasn’t dying anymore.

But the ride back was quiet, subdued even. Not too long ago, they’d all been laughing like idiots over pizza with Charlie, but now…

It wasn’t like Dean couldn’t understand why they were all depressed. Claire and her brief reunion with Amelia might’ve been specks of brightness, but Team Free Will’s future was still bleak. After all, they were back to square one with the Mark. Dean’s black eyes could return at any moment. That was bad news for everyone.

And now Cas, the one who was usually the most determined, who constantly assured Dean that they’d figure it out, didn’t seem to have the same conviction anymore.

Maybe he’d finally given up. 

That was a sobering thought. 

Once Dean pulled into the garage, Sam and Cas disappeared. Dean put on some terrible TV to distract him from his spiraling thoughts. 

Unfortunately, he couldn’t get Claire out of his head. Her mother had died in her arms, and the Mark gleefully latched onto that fact. It fucking  _thrilled_  in Claire’s pain, in the violence that had cost her so much.  

Dean choked down a beer just to get the bad taste out of his mouth. 

When Dean went to throw out the bottle, he heard a strange sound echoing from the bathroom. Frowning, he went to investigate.

The bathroom door was ajar, and light streamed from the crack. Inside came the sound of _sobbing_  - a grown man’s voice hitching painfully, miserably.

Dean was struck with embarrassment. He shouldn’t be hearing this. He should just leave Cas alone and -

But wait. It was  _Cas_. Cas the  _angel_  was crying. Holy shit. 

Dean shouldered in as quietly and unobtrusively as possible. 

Cas stood at the sink, his hands braced on either side. His knuckles were white where they gripped the edge of the basin, and his head hung down with his chin pressed to his chest.

Dean’s heart broke a little, looking at him like that. 

“Cas?” he said softly. 

Cas shook his head slowly, his body trembling. “My vessel…it  _aches_  for Amelia and Claire. The little bits of Jimmy that filled this body  _yearn_  for them and Amelia is…” His voice cut off with a sob. “I can’t make it stop.”

A lump formed in Dean’s throat, and he stepped forward to rest a hand on Cas’s shoulder. 

How the tides had turned.

“Amelia’s in Heaven with Jimmy,” Dean said. “They’re happy and safe. And Claire? She’ll be okay. She’s going to live with some awesome people who’ll take care of her.”

“ _I_  should’ve been the one taking care of her,” Cas interrupted. “I promised Jimmy I’d look after them but I… If Hannah hadn’t… I never would’ve found them again. I should’ve remembered them, but I was so caught up in my own hubris that I-”

“Cas, hey, come on. Quit beating yourself up for things you can’t change.”

At that, Cas lifted his head to meet Dean’s eyes in the mirror. Cas’s eyes were red and puffy, but his gaze was piercing.

Dean swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, yeah, I know I’m a giant hypocrite, but it’s true. You’ve done a lot of good. Heck, you saved the world. Don’t forget that.”

“I also nearly destroyed it. Several times.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve all done that,” Dean said, and wow, what were their lives, really? “You should focus on the good.”

“I will if you will.”

“Dude, I’m not getting into a pissing contest with you.”

“Dean.”

Dean heaved a dramatic sigh. “Fine, fine. I get it. Never mind.” He smirked when Cas’s lips twitched. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Cas,” he said at last.  

 _For you_ , Dean added in his head. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew how his own story would end. 

Cas was still eyeing his reflection, but he turned to confront the real Dean. They stared at each other until Cas opened his arms. 

“I would like a hug.”

Dean barked out a laugh, which made Cas grin. 

Dean was hit with deja vu as he stepped into the embrace. It was Purgatory all over again, except this time, Cas knew how to hug back. The angel squeezed tight, and Dean let himself relax in his arms. He drooped until he could bury his nose in Cas’s neck. Sure, it was a little gay, but he felt safe here, where he could breathe Cas in. 

“Thank you,” Cas said. His voice rumbled close to Dean’s ear, and the puffs of his breath on Dean’s neck made him shiver. 

They stood that way for a long time. Dean didn’t want to let go, and it seemed Cas was of the same mind. 

When they finally pulled apart, Cas’s touch lingered. He raised his left hand to stroke down Dean’s cheek. The tenderness of the gesture and the emotion in Cas’s gaze made tears well in Dean’s eyes. 

“Shit,” he said, and brought up a fist to rub them away.

“It’s okay,” Cas said, and Dean couldn’t stop his eyes from spilling over. Hot tears tracked down his cheeks. 

“I came in here to help you and now  _I’m_  the one crying,” he grumbled, his voice catching. 

Cas gaged his reaction and leaned in close. Dean’s heart pounded. 

“Tell me to stop,” Cas whispered, his breath hot, and when Dean said nothing, Cas gently kissed his tears away. The press of his lips was soft and quick, but so warm. Dean felt…he felt…

 _Loved_. 

“We’ll figure it out together,” Cas said, and paused to sniffle. Dean laughed. He couldn’t help it. Just look at the state of them, the Righteous Man and an Angel of the Lord, sobbing in a bathroom. He laughed and laughed, and Cas eventually joined him. 

“Oh my  _god_ we are hot messes,” Dean said, once he could breathe again. 

“Indeed we are,” Cas agreed. He entwined his fingers with Dean’s. “Shall we go watch television now?”

“Hell yeah.”

So that’s what they did. And if Sam happened to notice them holding hands later that night, well, that was just his problem. 

For now, for this very moment, Dean was determined to be happy with where he was.


End file.
